weight loss

I've had it with my weight. I'm so tired of being so self-conscious...in front of my husband of ALL people. I can't do this to myself anymore.

I am singing Sunday. As many of you know, I am in-love with Selah's music. I sing just about any and every song they have recorded when given the chance. As I was listening to one of their songs, I went to their webpage to look up the lyrics. That then sent me to Amy's blog. Wow. Someone who has been going through the same thing as me. Someone who puts on a WONDERFUL front, but secretly (well, not anymore since she blogged about it) is broken. Read some of what she wrote.

h1
I can finally see it!
July 20, 2010

Every day I look in the mirror I think, “Why can ‘t I see it yet?” My clothes are hanging, but I look at my face and don’t see the change. Everyone says it’s because I’m looking at myself everyday, so I thought I’d pull out some pictures to see if I could see a change. And I can finally see it!

I couldn’t stop smiling last night! Now, I know I’m still far from my goal, but it was nice to look at some pictures and see the difference.

This is me 2 months into my HCG diet

This is me last year for the You Deliver Me shoot

Anyways, I thought I’d post them for you.

Also, just for an update on what’s going on with the diet… I hit kind of a plateau over the last 2 weeks and it took forever just to lose like 3 pounds, so Cyndi put me on the Reset for 2 weeks to give my body a break. Basically, for the next 2 weeks I don’t take the HCG and I can eat more of what I was already eating, including, now, some dairy and other fats.

To be honest, I was so nervous packing my lunch yesterday. I’ve gotten very comfortable with knowing exactly what and how much I can eat, the thought of thinking for myself and making a good choice kind of scared me. I still can’t have carbs or sugar, but that leaves a lot of food available to eat and I just want to be sure I’m making good choices. I figure these next 2 weeks are good practice for how difficult or easy it will be to maintain once I’m at my goal weight. I am enjoying cheese again! Woot!

The last thing I want to mention today is Allan Hall. As you know from previous blogs, he has been working so hard losing weight and he has two milestones approaching. As of yesterday, he is 2 pounds from 50!! He’s really hoping to reach that goal this weekend, and I’m praying he will. He is also 7 pounds away from reaching his halfway point for total pounds needed to be lost. At the rate he’s going, he could potentially reach both milestone goals within the next week, so please be praying for him. I’m so incredibly proud of how hard he’s worked.

It’s rare to meet a man who struggles with weight issues the way Allan has, and he’s agreed, once he reaches his milestones, to guest blog on here and I really can’t wait to read what he has to say. I think his journey can help so many. You know, some times we women think we’re the only ones who go through this, and that no man could ever understand our issues. But Allan understands; he’s been there too. So let’s pray for his success and wait in anticipation of the great blog he’s going to write very soon!!!!

amy


Hey all,

This week was VBS at our church and I have to be honest, I’m wiped! I’ve worked every day and gone straight to church after. I’m crashing around 9:30 each night and still am tired in the morning.

Something interesting happened this week. I was working in the storage unit for my job in 87 degree weather, and it was not going well. Several things hindered me from completing my job, which means I have to go on Monday and spend more time in dusty, bug infested storage; I was not happy. So, I picked Jake up around 1pm because he was going home from work early and we only have one car. By the time I picked him up I was pretty irritated, tired and starving; this is usually a bad combination for Amy.

When I got back to work I went into the kitchen to get my grilled chicken and lettuce and what did I see in an open box on the counter? Yeah, you guessed it; donuts. Beautiful, glazed, sugary donuts. Now, the “previous” Amy would have dug right in. It was the perfect storm of hungry, tired, and stressed, and I would have absolutely convinced myself that I deserved the donut, or 3…

As I stood there looking at the donuts I realized something; I didn’t want one.

For the first time I was in a typical stress eating situation, with the comfort food laid out before me, and I didn’t want to eat. HUGE moment for me. Of course, I still barked out, “Who leaves open donuts on the counter willy nilly? Are you trying to kill me?!” But I do that any time there’s food out because literally every day someone in my office leaves something horrible (and when I say horrible, I mean yummy, delicious and fattening) on the kitchen counter, open for all the world to partake.

You know what’s funny? I didn’t even recognize that huge moment when it happened. I just looked at the donuts and thought, “Eh, no thanks,” and moved on. I didn’t realize it until the next day when my scale betrayed me, and I was feeling so discouraged that all the hard work I’ve been putting in wasn’t showing up on my scale the way I’d hoped. I was so bummed all the way to work. Jake kept trying to encourage me, but I just wanted to scream at him that he couldn’t possibly understand what it’s like to work and work and then the scale says you’ve gained. I felt like giving up. I felt like if I had known I was going to gain, or not lose, I might as well have had the stupid donut.

I felt like a failure.

As I got to work alone, crying, the Holy Spirit showed me something. He showed me the donut. And He reminded me that even right then, I didn’t really want a donut. Even when I felt like a failure, or when I was frustrated, stressed out and exhausted, I didn’t want to make myself feel better with food. And the fact that I sat there talking to Him instead of driving straight to the pastry shop meant something.

This journey has not been easy but it’s been worth it. I was telling Jake about my little breakthrough and how it’s so hard when I look at the scale and it’s moving so slowly. But if I look at the big picture, I’ve lost 42 pounds! So what if I’ve had a few slow days? I’ve lost 42 pounds! I told Jake that sometimes it’s so much easier for me to see what’s not happening on the scale, then to recognize what is and he said something really cool. He said that that’s how a lot of us treat God. We’re so busy looking at what He’s not doing for us; dwelling on what He’s not given us, that we fail to recognize all that He’s done in our lives. PREACH Youth Pastor Jake! Man, that puts things in perspective really quick.

Thank you God for all You’ve done in my life! Thank You for this journey that is not only transforming me, but is helping others in their journey. Thank you for Cyndi and her amazing guidance! Thank you for Jake and his loving rebukes and unending encouragement! Thank you God for 42 pounds and counting!!

And thank You for donuts, because when the time is right, I just might have one, and that will be okay.

Amy


It's 1:31 A.M. I am PROCLAIMING that this is the start of my weight loss. I will post pictures of before once I've lost some weight ;)

I'm going to work on eating smaller portions and walking more...and healthier choices....more to come!