Received more awful news yesterday. Another sweet soul has been taken from this earth by an automobile accident. Stephanie Parmer, absolutely beautiful inside and out. I was told that she sent a bible verse to her friends every morning...wow, what a testimony. She was a part of our youth at church and cheered at Central. Gosh...you just don't know. Between her and Whitney, this has been a weird time for me. Life is fleeting. We never know when our time here is done. I think to myself, why am I so self-centered? Why am I always focusing on me, me, me? These deaths have really done something to my soul. If I died, what would people say about me? What kind of legacy did I leave? Was I beautiful inside and out? Did Jesus' light shine from within and radiate outward? Was I kind to everyone? Did I make a difference? Was I a good person, friend, wife, etc.?

I'm making a change. I want to be a better person and friend. I'm going to work on stepping out of my comfort zone to reach others with kindness and friendship. These past two tragedies have honestly made me sick to my stomach over the loss of one of my closest friendships. We're still alive, but our friendship isn't. How do I let go of my pride and put it all past me? I don't want another tragedy to be what brings us to each other...or to one of our funerals. I don't know how to start. I don't know how to make that first step toward initiating a relationship again. UGhhhh.

I have dinner in the crockpot...taco salad, yummmm.

An old friend of mine messaged me on facebook and told me that she missed me and wanted advice. I had to smile, because I know that the Lord is putting opportunity in my life to be that better person and friend that I want to be. So even though I had planned to clean this house spotless, I'm understanding that it can wait...sometimes life can't. I am meeting with my sweet friend in about an hour or so. I've missed her.

I had a dream the other day that I was pregnant...It seemed so real. Yesterday I went to my mom's house. We were sitting there and she said, "I sure hope you aren't pregnant"...I almost choked on my spit. I said, "Lord, I hope not either!" She said that sometimes when a mother's daughter is pregnant, they can have symptoms of morning sickness (which is what is happening to my mom the past few days)..I think she said that happened with her mom..Oh geeze...I don't know what I'd do if I found out I was pregnant. #1, I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility. #2, I'm selfish and want more time with just Matt (and Ethel May). #3 I don't have enough sick days to cover having a child. #4, I haven't lost the weight that I plan to lose before having a baby. #5 Mama just bought a new car, so she needs to work towards paying it off before becoming a full-time nanny. #6 I want to get my master's degree before children. #7 I want to get tenured..All are huge reasons to not have a child right now. This may be too much information, but it's MY blog and MY thoughts...so, read them if you dare! ;) Anyway, 2 weeks till my period should be here....... keep your fingers crossed that it comes..

Pictures of Whitney and Stephanie below...Rest in peace girls.

Whitney Davidson

Stephanie Parmer