Summer break is here! I thought I would be in heaven, but in all actuality...I'm bored. There are plenty of things that I NEED to do, I just don't WANT to do any of it. I sleep in until around 8:30 or 9:00. The good thing about summer break is that I get to think about what I want to do next year to improve. The bad thing about summer break is that I get more time to think about things in my life I wish were different. I'm really missing some special friends in my life right now. Friendships I never thought would dissolve seem to have disappeared. I have a wonderful life, I do. I love my husband more than the day before. I still can't believe we are homeowners and have our precious Ethel May. But it's something about us women who need our girl friends. I don't know how to fix that void in my life. You'd think all the other happiness would just wash that ache away, but sadly to say, it doesn't. I think to myself, what have I done wrong? Is it me? Am I not trying hard enough? Have I changed? I don't know what to do. I sometimes think that new friends will help...well, I've made a couple new, good friends, but there is still that empty spot. When does it go away? How do I let it go? When did forever not become forever?
Side note: I had planned to blog about what I've been doing this summer and what I plan to do, and as you can see, what is truly bothering me comes out...I guess that's probably a good thing. Atleast it's a way to get some of my feelings out of my head.
Anyway, that's the biggest downfall of summer break and no job...too much time to think.
A girl I cheered with for years passed away suddenly in a car accident last Sunday. Her name was Whitney Davidson...that too has shaken me up in many different ways. She was such a bright soul; full of life. It makes you quickly realize how short life is...which brings me back to my emptiness with a special friend. It's been months since we've really spent time together like close friends do. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to her. The scary thing is that we have no control over that and we have no idea when it will happen. When it's our time...it's our time. I've cried and sulked over it and know that I must give it to God. He knows my heart, my pain, and my insecurities. Only he knows how to give me the peace that I need.
Lord Jesus, I pray that you take this hurt away from my heart. Please give me the strength that I need. Please wrap your sweet arms around me during this difficult time in my life and send me your peace that only you can. Right now I surrender to you my worries, insecurities, jealousy and my what-ifs. You are the gentle healer and I pray that you heal my heart from this ache and help me to move forward. Thank you for loving me. Amen
Let Go
Lindsay McCaul
I want to let go
I’m weary and bound
I’m giving it up
I’m laying it down
Take it away
Out of my hands
Out of my reach
Safe in Your plans
Cause I need to know
That You can hear me
Fill me with Your peace
And cover me gently
Like only You can
So take me, hold me
Break me and mold me
Take me, hold me
Break me and mold me
I want to let go
Cradle my hands
Knuckles so white
Open them up
And say its alright
Show me a plan
Call it Your own
Make it a journey
leading me home
Cause I need to know
That You can hear me
Fill me with Your peace
And cover me gently
Like only You can
So take me, hold me
Break me and mold me
Take me, hold me
Break me and mold me
I want to let go
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